Now that the Holiday weekend is over and everyone is gone I am back to being in control of my life and not being pulled in all sorts of directions. Maybe a Holiday week wasn't the best time to start blogging regulatory.
I will eventually get to the events of the week. I am assuming it will be as soon as I can get the person I work with out of my head, Adam.
Has anyone else ever noticed someone you constantly come across? I am not one of those girls who go around checking out every guy who walks past me or every man standing at the bar. Sometimes there are ones who strikes me, it is like they are my brain's crack. My heart knows it is spoken for and it is very much in love but my head can not stop wondering about them. It is usually stupid things and I have no problem forgetting about them. Once in a while I actually go all Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man about these random guys. Every time I see Adam its like I am in eighth grade and suddenly can not construct a coherent sentence. Hell, ninety percent of the time I can not even speak?? Who does that? I have worked with men for 11 years and some of them are RIDICULOUSLY attractive, rarely am I rendered speechless. Its not like I have nothing in common with him. He is retired Navy, I am gun hoe military, I WAS A BLOODY AQUATICS DIRECTOR, I truly get the water obsession!! He is going to school where I graduated from! We both are addicted to a football team that is incapable of winning. We both are sports coaches. If someone can explain why I can not even say "Have a good evening" it would be a great help.
I do not know if it is my imagination (you know that thing that comes around when your brain is on overload with things) but I actually think he is in the same boat which frightens me. When I walk I get that girl "someone is looking at me thing" and I look up and he does the look away thing (if any guy reads this, do not do that we see you). He randomly looks at me in the pool area, for no reason. Not the "help me" type of look or the " you have to be frigin kidding me" look. Its the same look I would give him. That is if I could stop looking at my feet. Its that "What the hell is going on look", you know the I am strangly drawn to you and I don't even know you one. The one time (seriously one and only) I talked to him he was tripping over his words and we both had verbal diarrhea. You all remember it just remember eighth grade. The type were you are both holding on to a conversation even if it means bringing up things you have no idea why you would tell someone barely know. I don't know maybe I am digging here. I don't even know if I am looking at him in a sexual way. Its like my head just wants him around.
Typically I am terrified of him and do not want to be in the same room with him for more than five minutes. Friday I did everything to avoid talking to him, I willing went to talk to someone who aggravates me. I have a meeting to go to Sunday and I do not want to go, because not only will he be there BUT I will have to get in to a swim suit. YEP stripped full of all security and completely vulnerable. Its not like he is a hottie by any means. He is average by all standards. About 5'10 about 190lbs (a little "fluffy") glasses. Most people would walk past him and not even look twice. He is nice and funny. Friday (that day were I avoided him) he was making fun of the lifeguard for the same thing, if he were not there, I would have ridiculed her for. Maybe I am just crazy.
Is it possible that I just strongly desire him to like me and want him to be my friend? If so I guess I am feeling more like a second grader and less like an eighth grader. Even though I never bought into the whole When Harry Met Sally concept of "Men and women can not be friends because the sex thing gets in the way" maybe subconsciously my head thinks that there are only three ways I can look at a man now since I am spoken for 1. Sex 2. Annoyed or 3. blankly. Maybe there is still a possibility of just wanting someone around because they would be a good friend. You know the Jacob way not the Edward way.
I know this probably makes no sense to anyone but I just have to get this all out before I go crazy.
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